How to Peg Your Partner: A Strap-On Guide
Pegging can be one of the most intimate, trust-building experiences a couple explores — when it's approached with real preparation. Here's a thorough, complete beginner's guide.
Survey data suggests roughly 16% of sexually active adults have tried pegging, with related product sales reportedly climbing significantly year over year. A 2017 survey of over 4,000 Americans found 13% of heterosexual men reported fantasizing about receptive anal sex specifically, and consumer research has found around 10% of women report having pegged a partner, with a similar share saying they're curious to try. In other words: if you're curious, you're part of a meaningfully large, and growing, group — not an outlier.
Pegging works best when it's introduced as a shared curiosity, not a demand or a surprise — "I've been curious about trying this together, would you be open to it?" Because it often touches on vulnerability around masculinity, control, or unfamiliar sensation for the receiving partner, an unpressured, judgment-free conversation beforehand matters more here than with most other acts on this list. Framing it as a shared adventure, rather than something one partner wants "done to" the other, tends to lower defensiveness significantly.
For a lot of receiving partners, this act touches something deeper than physical sensation — a willingness to be vulnerable, to hand over control, to experience a kind of intimacy that runs against a lot of cultural conditioning about masculinity and receptivity. Naming that dynamic openly, rather than treating it purely as a mechanical act, tends to make the actual experience feel far more connected and far less clinical for both partners. Women who've tried it often report that what they enjoyed most wasn't the novelty itself, but the sense of power and control the dynamic created — worth discussing openly as part of the appeal, not just the mechanics.
Start small — a slim, body-safe beginner strap-on kit (roughly 1–1.5 inches in diameter) paired with an adjustable, comfortable harness. Beginner kits that include multiple sizes let you start small and size up only once the receiving partner is genuinely ready, rather than guessing upfront. A well-fitted harness matters more than people expect — one that shifts or feels unstable makes controlled, gentle movement much harder for the giving partner.
The same rule from our anal sex guide applies here, doubled: a generous amount of Coconu or another high-quality water-based lubricant on both the toy and the receiving partner's body is essential. Reapply often — running dry mid-session is one of the most common (and entirely avoidable) sources of discomfort, and it's much easier to pause and reapply than to push through discomfort caused by insufficient lube.
The instinct under a new, vulnerable sensation is to tense up — which is exactly what makes penetration harder and less comfortable. Deep breathing, going slowly, and giving the body time to adjust matters far more than any specific position. Starting with just fingers before the toy itself helps the receiving partner acclimate gradually, the same principle covered in our anal sex guide, and there's no reason to rush past that step even if you've had anal play before in other contexts.
● Doggy style — the most common starting position; comfortable, easy angle, and lets the receiving partner relax into it without much coordination required
● Missionary (face-to-face) — allows eye contact and easier real-time check-ins, which some couples find more emotionally comfortable for a first time, even if it's slightly more physically demanding
● Spooning — gentle, slow, and low-pressure, good for couples who want to ease in without a lot of movement or exposure
"Slick, slow, and chatty" is a genuinely useful rule of thumb — plenty of lube, an unhurried pace, and ongoing check-ins ("how does that feel?" "too much?") rather than assuming everything's fine because nobody's said otherwise. The giving partner should be watching for body language just as closely as listening for words, since some people find it hard to speak up mid-act even when something isn't quite right.
Because this act can be emotionally significant, especially the first time, some check-in afterward — how did that feel, what would you want different next time, genuine affection and reassurance — helps cement it as a positive, connective experience rather than something either partner feels uncertain about afterward.
Clean toys thoroughly with warm water and gentle soap before and after use, and use a condom on shared toys if hygiene between partners or uses is a concern.
No — research and survey data show a wide, diverse range of men across orientations and identities express interest in or enjoy receptive anal play, and it reflects a preference for a particular sensation and dynamic, not anything about masculinity or sexual orientation.
That's a completely reasonable place to start from — treating the first attempt as low-stakes exploration, with permission to stop or decide it's not for you, removes the pressure of needing to "like it" on the first try.
Pegging tends to work best as a slow, communicative, trust-building experience rather than something to rush into. Start small, lube generously, prioritize relaxation over any specific technique, keep checking in throughout — not just beforehand — and don't underestimate the emotional dimension alongside the physical one.
Curious how open you and your partner are to trying new things together? Our free Attachment Style Quiz is a low-pressure way to find out, and our education section has more guides on navigating new experiences as a couple.
